Joel: Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.
Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.
[
Clementine and Joel have broken into an empty house on the Montauk beach]
Joel: I think we should go.
Clementine: No, it's our house! Just tonight...
[
she looks at an envelope on the counter]
Clementine: ...we're David and Ruth Laskin. Which one do you want to be? I'd like to be Ruth, but I can be flexible.
Howard: He's gone off the map!
Joel: Is there any risk of brain damage?
Howard: Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss.
Patrick: You know that girl we did last week? The one with the potatoes.
Stan: That girl? Yeah, that's this guy's girl.
Patrick: Yeah.
Stan: Right... Was. Took care of that.
Patrick: Well uh, I kind of fell in love with her that night.
Stan: What? You little fuck!
Patrick: What?
Stan: She was unconscious, man.
Patrick: Well, she was beautiful and... I stole a pair of her panties as well.
Stan: Jesus!
Patrick: What? It's not like - I mean they were clean and all.
Stan: Don't tell me this stuff! I don't wanna hear this shit!
Clementine: You know me, I'm impulsive.
Joel: That's what I love about you.
Clementine: Hi!
Joel: Excuse me?
Clementine: I just said hi.
Joel: Oh! Hi, hello.
Clementine: I'm Clementine... No jokes about my name.
Joel: I wasn't gonna make a joke.
Clementine: Oh, come on! Huckleberry Hound!
Joel: Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.
Clementine: Huckleberry Hound!
[
singing]
Clementine: Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine.
Joel: I don't know what that means.
Clementine: Are you NUTS?
Joel: It's been suggested.
Joel: Valentine's Day is a day invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.
Howard: ...Our files are confidential Mr. Barish so we can't show you any evidence. Suffice it to say, Miss Kruczynski was not happy and she wanted to move on. We provide that possibility.
Joel: [
In the house on the beach] I really need to go. I should catch my ride.
Clementine: So go.
Joel: I did. I walked out the door. I was too nervous. I thought, maybe you were a nut. But you were exciting. I felt like I was a scared little kid.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said so go. Said it with such disdain you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's ok.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed to. I swear to god I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish... I wish I had stayed.
[
Walking out]
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Pretend we had one.
Patrick: Baby, whats wrong?
Clementine: I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! I'm lost! I'm scared! I feel like I'm disappearing! MY SKIN COMING OFF! I'M GETTING OLD! Nothing makes any sense to me! NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE!
Clementine: HEY! Lets go out dancing! You want to go out to Montauk with me?
Patrick: Montauk?
Clementine: Yeah, NO! Come out to Boston with me!
Patrick: Sure, we can go next weekend.
Clementine: NO! Now! Now! I have to go see the frozen Charles NOW!
Joel: Can you hear me? I don't want this any more! I want to call it off!
Joel: Sand is overrated. It's just tiny, little rocks.
Mary: Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.
[
they click glasses]
Mary: Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. Found it in my Bartlett's.
[
Clementine is trying to comfort baby Joel by showing him her crotch]
Clementine: My crotch is still here, just as you remembered it.
Joel: Yuck!
Joel: [
narration as Clementine acknowledges him by raising her coffee mug] Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?
[
Mary reads to Dr. Mierzwiak out of "Bartlett's Familiar Quotations"; the lines are from Alexander Pope's poem "Eloisa to Abelard"]
Mary: How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that.
Joel: I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.
[
Hammering noises in the background]
Rob: Fuck!
Carrie: Rob, give it a rest.
Rob: Carrie, I am making a birdhouse.
Joel: This is working like gangbusters.
[
looking at the letter from Lacuna, Inc]
Joel: What is it?
Rob: I don't know, it's a place that does a thing...
[
as Joel and Clementine eat out, he thinks about the other glum-looking couples in the restaurant:]
Joel: Are we like couples you see in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?
Rob: The plane crashed. I didn't crash the plane.
Clementine: Joely? What if you stay this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a goodbye at least, let's pretend we had one... Goodbye, Joel.
Joel: ...I love you...
Clementine: ...Meet me in Montauk...
Clementine: [
whispers] Meet me... in Montauk...
Patrick: Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies.
Stan: Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties.
Joel: Wait.
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. Just wait... for a while.
Clementine: Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant.
Clementine: Joel, hide me in your humiliation!
Mary: That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist.
Stan: You looked happy. Happy with a secret.
Joel Barish: Pages ripped out. Don't remember doing that. It appears this is my first entry in two years.
[
Clementine is leading Joel out onto the frozen Charles River]
Joel: I don't know. What if it breaks?
Clementine: What if? Do you really care right now?
Joel: Look at it out here, it's all falling apart. I'm erasing you and I'm happy!
Joel: By morning, you'll be gone.
Carrie: She decided to erase you almost as a lark.
Howard: You want to empty your home, your life of Clementine.
Clementine: I'm fucking crawling out of my skin. I should've left you at the flea market.
Joel: Mierzwiak! Please let me keep this memory, just this one.
Clementine: Sometimes I don't think people realize how lonely it is to be a kid.
Joel: I can't remember anything without you.
Clementine: That's sweet, but try.
[
Mary is stoned, and Joel has just gone off the map]
Mary: He could wake up all half-baked and gooey! Mmm, half-baked. I'm hungry.
Joel: My God, there's people coming out of your butt.
Carrie: You're stoned and you're driving.
Rob: Pot balances me out. Pot brings me up. That's I smoke it if I'm going to be drinking.
Frank: McRomance. Want some fries with that shake?
Joel: I don't see anything I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
[
last lines]
Clementine: Okay.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: Let me show you something... come on...
Joel: I think I heard a crack.
Clementine: It's not gonna crack, or break, or... it's so thick!... Show me which constellations you know.
Joel: Um... oh... I don't... know any.
Clementine: Show me which ones you know!
Joel: Okay... okay... oh! There's Osidius.
Clementine: Where?
Joel: Right there... see? Sort of a swoop and a cross, Osidius the Emphatic.
Clementine: You're full of shit, right?
Joel: Nope. Osidius, right there, swoop and cross.
Clementine: Shut the fuck up!
Clementine: I'm gonna marry you... I know it!
Joel: Ummm... okay...
Clementine: Look, I'm sorry if I came off a little nutso, I'm not really.
Joel: That's okay, I really didn't think you were.
Joel: I'm so ashamed.
Clementine: It's okay, you're a little kid.
Rob: It's not about us, it's about Joel, who's an adult, okay, not "Momma Carrie's kid"!
Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat I'm high maintenance. So I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage or whatever it is ya got goin' on there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.
Joel: Okay.
[
4-year-old Joel watches his mother leave the room]
4-Year-Old Joel: I really want her to pick me up. It's amazing how strong that desire is.
[
first lines]
Joel: [
voice over] random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.
Clementine: I wish you'd stayed.
Joel: I wish I'd stayed, too. NOW I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd done a lot of things. I wish I'd... I wish I'd stayed... I do.
Joel: I love being bathed in the sink - such a feeling of security.
Clementine: I've never seen you happier, baby Joel.
Clementine: Wish me a happy Valentine's Day when you call. That'd be... nice!
Clementine: You married?
Joel: No.
Clementine: Let's move into this neighborhood!
Joel: I do sorta live with someone though.
Clementine: Male or female?
Joel: What? Female... female...
Clementine: At least I'm not barking up the wrong tree!
Clementine: My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice, right now.
[
Patrick knocks on Joel's car window while parked in front of Clem's apartment]
Joel: Yes?
Patrick: Can I help you?
Joel: What do you mean?
Patrick: Can I help you with something?
Joel: No.
Patrick: What are you doing here?
Joel: I'm not really sure what you're asking.
Patrick: Oh, thanks...
Clementine: You're not a stalker, or anything, right?
Joel: I'm not a stalker. YOU'RE the one that talked to me, remember?
Clementine: That is the oldest trick in the stalker book.
Joel: Really? There's a stalker book? Great, I gotta read that one.
Clementine: [
Clementine has dyed her hair orange] You like? To match my sweatshirt, exactly.
Joel: Ahaaahhhhh! Ohhhhhh! I like it!
Clementine: You do?
Joel: You look like a tangerine!
Clementine: Hmmm, Clementine the tangerine.
Joel: Juicy... 'n seedless.
Clementine: I like that.
Mary: I wanted to understand as much as I could about the procedure as possible... I think it's important for my job to understand the inner workings of the work that we do, well not that I do, but the work that is done by people where I also work, the work of my colleagues.
[
Joel calls Clem on the telephone]
Clementine: What took you so long?
Joel: I just walked in.
Clementine: Do you miss me?
Joel: Oddly enough, I do!
Clementine: You said "I do" - I guess that means we're married!
Joel: I guess so!
Carrie: I saw you talking to someone pretty!
Rob: Yeah, man, who was that?
Joel: She was... just a girl.
Frank: The only Valentine's Day cards I get are from my mother. How pathetic is that?
Clementine: I would like you to call me. Would you do that? I'd like it.
Clementine: I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told!
Clementine: What are you, NUTS?
Joel: It's been suggested.
Joel: I think your name is magical.
Clementine: You're really nice... God, I have to stop saying that!
Joel: I had a really nice time last night.
Clementine: Nice?
Joel: I had the best fucking night of my entire fucking life, last night!
Clementine: Thaaaat's better!
Clementine: You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an open book. I tell you everything, every damn, embarrassing thing.
Clementine: Joely?
Joel: Yeah Tangerine?
Clementine: Am I ugly?
Joel: Uh-uh.
Clementine: When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.
Joel: [
kisses Clementine] You're pretty.
Clementine: Joely, don't ever leave me.
Joel: You're pretty... you're pretty... pretty...
Clementine: I apply my personality in a paste.
Joel: If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know.
Mary: Adults are like a combination of sadness and phobias.
Joel: [
on tape recording] And the whole thing with the hair - it's all bullshit.
Joel: I really like your hair.
Clementine: Thank you.
Hollis: Don't be a monster, Howard. Tell the poor girl. You can have him, sweetie. You did.
Joel: [
talking to Clementine in the train] Sorry, I'm just... trying to be nice.
Joel: He's seducing my girlfriend with MY words and MY things. He stole her underwear! Jesus Christ, he stole her underwear.
Joel: He's seducing my girlfriend with MY words and MY things. He stole a pair of her underwear! Jesus Christ, he stole her underwear.
